The fear creeps in

"what doesnt kill you makes you stronger"

this would be my last post before the big examination begins which would determine where my whole life would end up.
to be honest i really am not prepared for it yet.
but what can i do ? things have been happening one after another the pass few months.
i need a break!
now SPM! sighhhhh

all my friends would definately know that the worst fear i have now is going for NS.
it may seem stupid to fear something like that but than i fear it more than you can ever imagine.
maybe i would have an enjoyable time there but than it doesnt stop the fear from being there.
i would never know till im really there.sighhh.
the pass few months have been the most sad months in my whole entire life.
how much time and tissue wasted?
i defintely cry over Ns and i wont deny that i have cried about it many times.
i would definately cry about it when i do know where i have been sent to. and the day i have to leave
crying is something that makes me feel much better, but only temporary.i need a permanent medication that would take this away!

i just came across some one's spills..
she said "i deserve to be treated better"
well i think i deserve to be treated better by him now too.
but be clear of this he has never treat me bad all the way up to the last day.
the last day was bad la.. haha how can anybreak up be good??
i wont lie i still have feelings for him.
hey feelings dont die overnight not over months! haha
i still get upset sometimes but than im over IT.

back to NS.......................................................................................................................................................................................................
i dont think i would get over this till im there enjoying myself.
if i do.
sigggghhhhhhhhh.

its not killing me now but it will soon kill me